ironknight

dontmakepeopleintoheroes:

alifin:

peterabbid:

flamingonipples:

luckyshirt:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO GET TO LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. You and I already know this tortilla was made to maintain its physical integrity for thirty seconds once touched. 

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

oh my god marry me whoever wrote this you are my god

i don’t even eat burritos but this made my day

I can’t

Have not stopped shaking with laughter just yet!

PPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(via dontmakepeopleintoheroes)

geothebio:

jesskilljoyxo:

Jude Law Changed His Sexual Orientation  
Threw Himself Nakedly On Robert Downey Jr. 
China Times [Report from Taibei] 

Sherlock Holmes 2 is released at the end of this year. Movie stills and behind-the-scenes were exposed yesterday. Did Jude Law, who broke up with his girlfriend twice, change his sexual preference towards men? Nakedly overmastered an equally naked Robert Downey Jr. was not enough, Jude pressed his lips to Robert’s ear as if they were filming a “brokeback” scene. “Two shabby mid-aged dudes,” webbers scoffed meanly, “a stye will deveplop if you watch [them making out].” 



As the prequel recieved a 5.2 billions global box-office, fans are excited for the sequel. According to the source, Sherlock’s brother will appear on screen, and his bestie Dr. Watson will become a trouble-shooter rather than the trouble-maker he used to be. 

The explosion scenes in SH2 were filmed in France. There were a wedding scene and also a fierce fighting scene on train. Not only Robert sacrifically put on heavy make-up and dressed as a woman, but he was also nakedly full bodied by Jude. There is no lack of equivocal scenes in the movie, no wonder webbers squeed it is “beyond standard”. 

WTF? o.o

 Threw Himself Nakedly On Robert Downey Jr.

(Source: justgoodoldfashionedrevenge, via dontmakepeopleintoheroes)

doctorwho:

CAUTION: TARDIS LANDING AREA

(via americancolleen: Twitpic)